Nine Writing Things: Begone, Writer's Block!

We've all been there. We just can't write and it's a terrible, dark, empty, lonely place to be. There are millions of suggestions out there on the Internet for ways to beat writer's block. Let me be a cliché and offer nine more. Hey, it's an easy blog post. Give me a break!

1. Set small goals with a timer and a word count.
Unfuck Your Habitat is this fantastic blog on tumblr that has been hugely helpful to me in learning to manage my time. (It's a blog about cleaning and organizing, but the principles work for writing, too.) Set a timer for twenty minutes, set a word count goal (halve your normal twenty-minute word count), and then go. Is it good writing? No. But it's writing.

2. Write a conversation with yourself, your muses, or your characters.
The subject can be anything. Write out a conversation exploring why you're blocked, or what the muses think you should be doing, or the story your characters really want to tell. Get the characters to tell you a funny or sad story from their childhood. Whatever it is, just do it. It can and probably should be as messy as any real-world conversation, full of backtracking and stuttering and pausing and uncertainty.

3. Play a song you're unfamiliar with, try to write out the lyrics or what you think the lyrics mean.
No cheating! Ignore all the song lyric archives online. I did this a lot as a teenager. I'd listen to a new song, write out the lyrics as I heard them, and then analyze the song. This was before I knew pretty much every song ever is about sex, though, so your mileage may vary depending on your level of jadedness.

4. Talk to yourself.
Be as many different people as you need to be. I don't recommend doing this one in public, though. In your car is fine, in your home--alone--is best.

5. Drink. A lot.
Drink enough to lose your inhibitions but not so much you can't spell. Remember to save your work before you pass out or die from alcohol poisoning. You might be surprised at the sort of things you write when you've loosened up and lost the filters that make you fit for society.

6. Use Write or Die or a program like it.
Write or Die is a program that "puts the 'prod' in productivity." It basically forces you to write. I view it as a good parent. I'm not sure what's going to happen if I don't do what it tells me, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like it.

7. Take a shower.
I do my best thinking in the shower. It's like the steam loosens the gunk clogging up my writing arteries. This can backfire and lead to you sitting sopping wet in front of your computer, so... be careful. Maybe get a voice recorder or something, set it on a dry ledge near enough the shower that you can poke your head out and start shouting at it. A small child who can write or type would also do in a pinch. Oh! Or a significant other who can be bribed with a bit of a show.

8. Watch a movie you don't like.
Analyze every little thing about it that you hate. List those things. Rage at the movie. Decide that you could do better, grab your laptop, and actually do better. Rewrite it line-by-line and revel in your superiority.

9. Just start writing.
Sit down. Set fingers to keys or pen to paper. And just start writing. Your ABCs. Your name. Why you like the boy next door. What you think that cute barista does when she's home alone. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Just write.