Monday, October 31, 2011

Book Review: Camping with Daddy by Amber Stone

cover art copyright Amber Stone
Today I'm reviewing Amber Stone's Camping with Daddy, a Dark Sensations production.

Let me start off by saying that Daddy as an erotic archetype is something I find fascinating and incredibly hot. I read Pat Califia's Doing It For Daddy in college and that's what hooked me. I've had many years of experience both reading and writing this subject, so I'm not new. I'm also well aware that there are several ways to explore Daddy (role-playing, non-incestuous, incest; heterosexual, homosexual) and that the way Daddy appeals to one person isn't necessarily the way Daddy appeals to another.

With all of that said, this book is just awful.

It's a short story, which I liked. I don't mind paying $0.99 for a short story of this length. The premise isn't bad: eighteen-year-old Amber goes camping with her stepfather as a way to bond because they've been butting heads at home since he married her mother the year before. I thought it had an interesting, potentially great setup, so I didn't bother with the sample.

I should have.

It's shallow. It explores none of the emotional depth or conflict or the moral questions presented by this situation. There's no consideration for Amber's mother--Steve's wife. There's no hesitation from Amber or Steve. (Steve asking twice if she's "sure" is not hesitation. It's a standard stalling tactic in erotica and romance.) I wouldn't mind that except that there was absolutely no established pattern of anything that would lead to the two of them falling into bed together. Amber "talked" briefly of being Daddy's Little Girl, but there was no connection made between those feelings and feelings she had for Steve except for saying that Steve would never replace her dad. Amber isn't promiscuous. Thunderstorms get her hot, she's horny, and Steve is there. That's it. That's the whole reason they have sex.

And that's all it is. Amber and Steve might as well be strangers for the sex they have. If you remove the trappings of their relationship, the sex and dialogue stand fine on their own. Well, fine enough, I guess, for empty mechanical description.

I don't mind straight-up written porn. I've written it myself. There are times that it's enjoyable. This was not enjoyable. It reads like it was written by a fifteen-year-old boy who hasn't had sex yet but has seen a few really bad porn movies. Steve's penis is at least eight or nine inches long but I think it's longer, based on the description that preceded the discussion of length. They have anal sex with little foreplay and only spit as lubricant. Amber is almost a virgin, mind; as in, she has only had PIV sex once, has never had anal sex and, from what I gather, has never even tried anal play on herself. If many years of writing m/m erotica have taught me anything, it's that buttsex is a little more complicated than "spit on pucker, insert penis."

There were technical issues with the work as well. In several instances, the incorrect word--while properly spelled--was used. "Wear" instead of "where," "peak" instead of "peek," "affect" instead of "effect," "bit" instead of "by," "me" instead of "my." One mistake in a piece this length would have been easy to overlook. The consistent misuse of words coupled with the weak writing and the telling-not-showing narrative made them impossible to overlook.

The funniest moment came when I thought Steve had two penises and they both had eyes. "His cock sprang free from their confines and stared proudly at me."

I am clearly not a member of this story's target audience. That's okay. The author has a firm grasp of spelling and punctuation, it's just that she could benefit from a beta reader or an editor with a keener eye. Like I mentioned before, the premise is quite promising. I really wanted to like this story. I am willing to suspend my disbelief when it comes to hot sex... but the sex has to be hot. This story did nothing for me.

No, that's not true. It did a few things for me. First, it made me spend a lot of time going, "WTF?" Second, it made me feel scared, nervous, anxious, and insecure about my own writing. Third, it made me swear that I will be more careful about my editing from now on.

So, I guess, in the end, it was a dollar well spent.

Monday Miscellany: Happy Halloween!


Rebel Alliance, X-wing, Empire: Halloween 2010

The scary started when I got up early this morning to get a jump on my work. The kid is teething (as in, she's cutting five teeth at once right now) so she's clingy and cranky and generally just needs a lot of attention, so I've been neglecting my reading and blogging. I edited the first scene of Better Together and scribbled some meta about the characters, then broke out the Kindle a read a couple of Daddy-themed erotic short stories I bought last week on a whim.

They were awful. Just awful. One was worse than the other, but if I had read the second one without reading the first one, I would still be just as upset. It's not the fact that I picked a couple of misses that bothers me, though I do feel so strongly about them that you will be seeing negative reviews on my blog for the first time ever, it's the fact that they're so bad that they make me worry about my own writing. They made me feel insecure, anxious, and worried. I don't like it when things I read have that effect on me. I felt pretty good about Cass and Cowboy. I felt like they were the best possible stories I could have written. Now I'm not so sure.

Anyway, look for reviews for Camping with Daddy and Father Figure this week. I'm also working on a review for The Iron Admiral: Deception, the sequel to The Iron Admiral: Conspiracy. That review will be radioactive. I love those books. I love that author. I'm so enthusiastic that I'm pretty sure I come off looking like a sock puppet or a relative or an employee or something. I can't help it. They're just. so. good. I also started reading a book called Space Junque that already shows promise.

My goal this week is to finish editing Better Together and send it off to my betas. I would also like to outline each of the six stories in the upcoming WIP, Duct Tape & Pancakes. I jotted down some notes last night for another six-story anthology tentatively titled Forgive Me, Father, but we'll see where that goes.

Happy Halloween, readers! May you all have a fun and freaky day!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Blog Roundup: October 24 - 30, 2011

The weekly installment of Chuck Wendig's 25 Things series was reasons you won't finish that story. This is especially relevant with the start of NaNoWriMo being mere days away.

James Killick wrote about four lies the Internet tells you about writing. The man makes a good point. For all the posts and articles we read about how to market ourselves and our writing, it's good to take a moment and remember that we are artists and people and that we are trying to share our work with people.

Keystrokes & Word Counts had a guest post on being a NaNo rebel. I think that if you're going to participate in NaNo, you need to have a game plan. I also think that you can participate without "really" participating: you can write your 50,000 new words without following all of the rules.

Paperback Writer offered ten "gems o' wisdom" to ignore during NaNo. She makes some good points. I think some of those gems are, you know, gems for a reason. Particularly "write what you know." I'm a firm believer in writing what you know--or learning what you don't know.

Stella Deleuze posted part two of her discussion of dialogue attributes. If you have any questions at all about when and where to use punctuation or he said/she said, check it out.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

SitRep Saturday: Titles & New Projects

The new romance novelette has a title! I'm going to call it Better Together. Now, if only I could finish editing it. And find the right cover image for it.

This week, I also action-drafted a short story that, when finished, will be around 10,000 words. It's slightly different from the work I've put out so far, but I'm still very proud of it. The working title is Sir but, as usual, that is subject to change.

I even outlined a six-story anthology and started the outline and action draft of the first story for that one. It has a working title--Duct Tape & Pancakes--and each story also has a working title. It is always a good sign to me when the titles come easily.

Friday, October 28, 2011

All About Editing: Finding An Editor

So you've written your piece. You've self-edited it to within an inch of its fragile life. You're ready for an editor. That's great! But where do you find one of these magical, skilled people?

Decide if you need a beta reader or an editor.
A beta reader is less formal and probably doesn't have the same professional credentials as an editor. Here's a tip: you probably want both.

Check with your colleagues.
If you belong to a writers' group (and you probably should), see if any other members offer beta reading or critiquing services. Having someone who reads and writes in your genre look over your work can be immensely helpful. This isn't to say that having someone who doesn't read and write in your genre is a waste of time, but you're going to get different insights from each of these people. If you're on Twitter, ask the authors you communicate with who they recommend.

Check with your friends and family.
Having your loved ones read your work can be terrifying. I understand that. But they may surprise you. It never hurts to float the question their way. Treat them the same as you would any other beta reader, though. No special treatment just because they're loved ones. If you think feelings will be hurt because of this, there's no harm in steering clear. I know there are families out there with family members who would be hurt if they made suggestions the author didn't take. I'm fortunate; most of my friends were made in writing circles, so we all just trade beta reading and editing.

When all else fails, Google.
There are lots of professional editors out there. Check their work and references before you hire anyone.

Last week, we had a guest post from Nicole. You can visit her website here (and you can read her testimonials here). If you're in the market for an editor, Su is another option I'd like to recommend. You can visit her website here.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

All About Editing: The How



This subject is nearer and dearer to my heart right now because I've finished the first draft of the new romance novelette and I started the editing process (with any luck and a lot of hard work, it will be a novella when I'm done). So I thought that I would share my editing process.

The first thing you should know is that I absolutely hate sending out a manuscript unless I think it's ready to be read by people who don't like me. That intense aversion to mistakes and bad writing led to the development of an editing process that is far more involved than the writing process (and my writing process is pretty involved).

Read the whole story.
Read the whole story, beginning to end, as a reader. You can make notes about what to edit, but just read it first. See it for the whole piece that it is because you're about to break it down into its most basic parts and it will be easy to forget the whole.

Read each section/chapter.
Each individual part should stand on its own. Not, you know, totally on its own, but each section should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. It should move the story along. It should add value to the story. It should be complete.

Read each paragraph.
Each paragraph should be consistent. It should be about something specific. It, like each section, should add value to the story and move it along. Each paragraph should be a shining example of your writing. It should be excerptable. (That is a word now.)

Read each line.
Like each section and each paragraph, each line should be valuable. It should also be different from the one before it and the one after it unless you're going for something specific that requires repetition and similarity. Sentences, lines, have rhythm and flow. I'm not musically inclined, but I know that variation in sentence sound and structure is much more pleasing to my inner ear than a bunch of the same thing over and over.

Read each word.
Each and every word in your manuscript should be the right word. Not almost the right word, not sort of the right word, not close enough. It should be the exact word you mean to convey your meaning. I strongly believe that every writer should spend some time writing poetry. Nothing teaches you to use the right word better than writing poetry.

Search for easily-misused words.
This is a technical detail. Search your manuscript for words that are easily misused. Your/you're, their/there/they're, through/threw and the like. Spellcheck won't catch this because you've correctly spelled the words. Chances are that you'll catch any of these mistakes when you read each word, but it's never a bad idea to be safe.

Search for overused words and phrases.
We all have pet words. We probably even have pet words that change, or words that we associate with a particular story. I had one story that was very lush, very padded, and I used the word "plush" repeatedly throughout it. My beta wanted to beat me with the word. So what I'm saying here is: search your story for overused words. Unusual words and phrases--words like exacerbate and loquacious, phrases like "come with" and "piss-poor"--will stand out to the reader, so using them even more than once in a short piece, twice in a longer piece (unless, again, it's a conscious choice vital to the story/formation of the story) is going to stand out.

Search for -ly words.
Really. Lovely. Squiggly. These words are filler words. They have their place, but the chances are that they've been overused, abused, and treated as a crutch. It's okay, it happens to everyone. Use them sparingly. Think of them as a potent spice, or an expensive one. The more you use them, the less precious they become.

Search for very.
Mark Twain said it best when he said to replace every instance of "very" with the word "damn." It has the same effect and your editor will take them out. If you're DIYing your writing (or you just don't want your editor to think you're overly fond of swearing), change every "very" to "damn" for fun, read your story, and then delete the damns.

Check your details.
The Internet is a great place. It has websites like Google and Wikipedia and communities like Little Details. It's full of people who are experts on something and they're willing to share their expertise. Use them. Check your own details, first. Make sure your protagonist doesn't suddenly change hair color halfway through the story. Or cars, or location, or whatever. Trust me, the reader notices these things. Then check the other details. For example, I had to change my hero's job in the Marines based on some information I found at Wikipedia. Also--and this is a tip from my days as a researcher--it's a good idea to have different sources of information, sources that don't call on each other for backup. I like three sources, personally.

Check your characterization.
You can tell your readers that your hero is a good guy, but if you're writing him being a dickface to waiters and kicking puppies, they're going to know that he isn't. Make sure that you're showing the character traits you want your characters to possess. If he's kind, show him doing something kind. If he's an ass, show him being an ass. And be consistent. Unless, of course, the point is that your character completely changes who he is throughout the story. Then you can do whatever you want, I guess. Just make sure that your character is behaving in the ways you would expect from someone who is like him. This is where observing people becomes a useful skill.

Check your plot.
Are there any holes? Sew those suckers up. You don't want the reader to be halfway through the story and saying, "This doesn't make any sense." Remember: the difference between reality and fiction is that fiction has to make sense. It has to. You can't rely on your readers to say, "Ah, well, that's just how it goes." That is not how it goes. How it goes is exactly how you write it and you need to be the God of your written world. You need to keep track of everything and make sure that everything has a purpose and a reason.

Check your subplot(s).
If you're writing anything longer than a short story, you probably have subplots. Do the same checking for them that you do for your main plot. Resolve them however you want, but a resolution is not abandoning them mid-story because they're inconvenient.

Read it out loud.
Reading your work out loud forces your brain to relay information to your mouth. Because it has to work harder, it notices things it missed when you were just reading silently. I don't know if that's true because I made it up, but reading your work out loud is just one more way you're guaranteed to find things you wouldn't have found otherwise.

Ignore it.
I know that every list of advice on writing tells you to ignore your work or leave it alone. This is good advice. You gain some distance and some perspective. You return to your work with a fresh eye and a fresh ear. Let it sit for as long as you need, then come back to it and repeat the editing process.

Read it again.
Read it to yourself and then out loud one more time. Make changes as needed, but this time, it doesn't need the machete it needed before. It just needs little tweaks. Sound good? Look good? Feel good? Great. Only two more steps left to go!

Send it to someone else.
No matter who you are, your writing can always benefit from someone else's perspective. That's why publishers employ editors and that's why good fanfic writers use betas. If you value your writing at all--and of course you do, you're reading this post--you will hand your work over to more than one someone else. These will be people you trust. These should also be people who are not butt-kissers. They should be just as hard on you and your writing as you are. (But not harder. No one should ever be harder on your own work than you are.)

Make changes accordingly.
Once you get your manuscript back from your editors and beta readers, you should have feedback to consider. The changes you make are entirely up to you. You're the writer. Your word is law as far as your writing goes. But, again, if you care at all, you will consider the feedback you get and you will make changes.

Read it one more time.
Okay, I lied, there's one final step. Read it again. All the way through. Resist the urge to make any more changes as you read and simply read it as a reader. It should be as perfect as you can make it now. This should be your best possible work. Congratulations!http://parchmentplace.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/red-pen.gif

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Not-So-Monday Miscellany: Tim Armstrong

Yesterday, I spent the whole day working to finish the first draft of the new romance novelette. I succeeded! It needs three to five thousand more words, though, so I still have quite a bit of work to do, but the second stage of the writing process is complete.

For this week's miscellany post, I thought I'd share some fangirl-worthy work from Tim Armstrong. Tim is the frontman for California-based punk band Rancid (they're amazing, you should check them out) (but if you're not into punk, he also co-wrote most of the songs on P!nk's Try This and he is involved with/has been involved with Operation Ivy, the Transplants, solo work, and a film) and I love him. The summer my husband was deployed, I saw Rancid four times. I have three Rancid-inspired tattoos with plans for a fourth. And I wore an Operation Ivy t-shirt to my wedding reception. Tim is a fantastically talented musician and artist. I'm a fan, is what I'm saying. 

Recently, he rolled out Tim Timebomb's ROCKNROLL THEATER. There's music. There's dancing. There's scantily-clad girls, a timeless story, and a terrifyingly-mustachioed Davey Havok. You can watch the trailer here. Unfortunately, it's not available in my country. There are ways around that (an IP masker, for example; or an online bootleg) so if it isn't available in your country and you want to see it, some Google searching should set you up. 

If none of that interests you, there's always this: 

Unfortunately, I have no idea who took this picture. I wish I did, I'd like to bake him/her some cupcakes.

The man belongs on a romance novel cover.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Blog Roundup: October 17 - 23, 2011

I stumbled across this post at Chuck Wendig's blog that is an entertaining, colorful assortment of insults aimed at making me feel bad about my crappy self-published book. I laughed. It's got a lot of good points. He also had this guest post on his blog this week that is all about getting your book--you real dead-tree book, be it self-published or traditionally-published--into bookstores. And, as usual, he has a fantastic 25 things post.

Stella Deleuze posted about dialogue attributes. If you're uncertain about your dialogue skills, or if you just want a refresher, it's an excellent post.

Angel Zapata's publisher has gone under, so she's asking that readers not buy her book.

Isis Rushdan hosted J.L. Campbell, who wrote about what she has learned from blogging and publishing.

James Killick wrote about five ways to banish drama from your scenes. The tongue-in-cheek quality of it made me chuckle even as I mentally filed away the lessons he's sharing.

I thought this guest post at Keystrokes and Word Counts was interesting. I'm always fascinated by the way other writers work, so seeing that Melissa Dominic uses a sketchbook was pretty cool.

This post at Paperback Writer discusses and shows the results of a really fun-looking writing exercise. I think I'll be trying that the next time I'm suffering the dreaded writer's block.

Sirra posted another round of #writetips from her Twitter feed.

If you're not reading The Bookshelf Muse, you're doing yourself a disservice. This recent guest post about promotion, in particular, is quite helpful.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

SitRep Saturday: Vampires, Romance, and Secret Projects



The new working title for my vampire WIP is The Guest. I did some Googling and there shouldn't be much confusion between my novel about a bad vampire and the main notable work with that title. So that's settled. I have also decided not to worry about classifying it yet. I struggled with the fact that the story seemed to be demanding material that was not appropriate for a YA audience, but my most recent project--as well as some reading I've done--has convinced me that it's okay. I have to be true to the story first and foremost. Then I can worry about everything else.

My romance novelette is coming along nicely. I'm about 40% through the action draft. I had hoped to be more done by now, but life had other plans. I'm not worried. I know I'll have it finished and I'll start editing next week. It still doesn't have a title.

The third bit of work news is a piece I'm in the action-draft stage of now and it's amazing because I feel like I'm getting back to who I am as a writer. I feel like I'm really finding my voice with it. For a number of years, I was kind of lost; I let life sidetrack me, confuse me, and lose me. Not anymore. The piece I'm writing now, when it's finished, will be hot, funny, sweet, and make the reader vaguely uncomfortable. I am very excited.

Oh. I will also probably keep up the All About Editing posts next week. I have a few more ideas to write about.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

All About Editing: Beta Reading

A beta reader is a test reader or an unofficial editor. You, the writer and first reader, are the alpha reader. She, the second reader, is your beta. In fandom, a beta reader can do everything from a read-through and feedback on the overall story to in-depth editing. Beta reading is a good way to hone your editing skills in the same way that self-editing is a good way to hone your beta reading skills.

Familiarize yourself with the rules of writing.
If you're not already comfortable with the basics, get comfortable. A practical handbook and a good dictionary or a trustworthy website on grammar and writing are invaluable. For your first few betas, you may end up consulting these resources frequently.

Don't apologize and don't be offended.
Resist the temptation to apologize for the quality of your critique. Your critique is valid--regardless of your experience--because you are a reader and you have opinions. The writer will take or leave your comments as she sees fit, so don't be offended if you see the finished project and realize that "problems" you identified weren't fixed. Remember that the writer has the final say in her own work.

Pick your projects carefully.
Identify what you like to read and take on those projects. Identify aspects of your own writing that you need help with and take on projects that will let you learn. Beta reading is work, but it should be work that you can do without having to force yourself.

Read twice.
Read it once as a reader. Make notes if you have to, but wait for the second read-through to critique. Read it the second time with a critical eye and a red pen.

Be thorough.
However you decide to beta read, be thorough. Give all parts of the manuscript your attention. This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, as when I first started using beta readers, I had a couple of them who started off each beta with many, many notes, but once they got to the last half, they just sort of... stopped making notes. Be consistent with your critique throughout the manuscript.

Be prompt.
If you have offered or agreed to beta read, turn the story around as quickly as possible. Chances are that the writer is counting on you. She may be working on some sort of deadline, she may be anxious, she may just want to finish the story and move on. Returning your notes quickly is appreciated just as much as the notes themselves.

Be honest.
This is the single most important tip for beta reading. Be honest in your critique. Be honest about what you liked and what you didn't like. Don't give false praise or flattery. You're doing a job and that job is not butt-kisser.

For more beta reading resources, check out the following links: